Sunday, January 10, 2010

Letting Myself Go, Part II

I really don't know what I am going to do with my life. And although it sometimes scares me, I sort of like that. I've got these short term plans that I'm really looking forward to, that will take me around the world, and thrill me, and test me, and I'm hoping that in these travels I'll find some inspiration.
But I'm somewhat passionless. I'm not saying that I don't have passion; I mean it in the sense that I don't really have a passion for any one activity. Well, my one passion is learning, which means I'm passionate about knowing a little bit about as many things as possible, but unfortunately I would find it difficult to find a career that is entirely focussed around me learning new and exciting (often ridiculous and irrelevant) things.
I've always been passionate about people though. Selfishly, it's not in the sense that I want to do social work or help my fellow man; it's in the sense that I'd probably do anything to make the people I love happy. But again, that doesn't help clarify my direction for the future. I'm doing psychology this year at university. Maybe that will give me some kind of inspiration.
But the weirdest thing is, I don't think I want something to do for the rest of my life. I don't think I could stay in the same job for more than five years or so. I don't know what I want to be or where I want to be. These things don't really seem important to me. If you're reading this, you've most probably read my previous posts, which means you'd know that I've always pictured myself walking alone through mountains. I don't think I'd do that in the lone-ranger/hunter sense - finding my own food and so forth (that would be awesome but I do not possess the required know-how) - but I think it's simply an image of travelling.
And that suits my passion to learn about a lot of different things. It suits my desire not to do one thing my whole life. But I am scared that it could be lonely. After all, I'm passionate about those I love. It would be difficult to leave them all behind. I guess it's one or the other. Damn this world and the impossibility of possessing cake and eating it too. Well, actually, for the next couple of years I will be metaphorically eating and owning cake. I guess I've got that time to think things through.

Good Luck Ethan..

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