At Home In The Clouds

I've been playing this all morning. God damn it's a great song.

All Time Low (with Juliet Simms) - "Remembering Sunday"

He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes

Started making his way past two in the morning

He hasn't been sober for days.

Leaning now, into the breeze

Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees

They had breakfast together

But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs.

Now this place seems familiar to him

She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin

She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs

Left him dying to get in.

Forgive me, I'm trying to find

My calling, I'm calling at night

I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?

She's been running through my dreams

And it's driving me crazy it seems

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

And even though she doesn't believe in love

He's determined to call her bluff

Who could deny these butterflies?

They're filling his gut.

Waking the neighbours, unfamiliar faces

He pleads oh he tries

But he's only denied

Now he's dying to get inside.

Forgive me, I'm trying to find

My calling, I'm calling at night

I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?

She's been running through my dreams

And it's driving me crazy it seems

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

The neighbours said she moved away

Funny how it rained all day

I didn't think much of it then

But it's starting to all make sense.

Oh, I can see now

That all of these clouds are

Following me in my desperate endeavour

To find my whoever, wherever she may be.

I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible

I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect that from me

I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt

Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair

And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world

So many thousands of feet off the ground

I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds

Towering over your head

Well I guess I'll go home now

I guess I'll go home now

I guess I'll go home now

I guess I'll go home.

Ethan..

Happiness, Part II.

Ethan Claus..

Dinosaurs.

aNew

✭

Take

To the

streets;

That turn

you never took.

Take what you can

get, Leave what you

could never have. Take the

memories, long since made.

Always, Always

Break, Break the mirrors, Break the

rules and the stigmas. Leave every unhappy

feeling behind. Break the barriers keeping you

in; This long, long life. This opportunity. This joy.

Always, Always

Run, Run, Run. As fast as you can. Run to daylight,

Reach for the white castles of clouds; That's the magic of the

horizon. Run on empty. Run, but never hide; You'll never need

a moment in darkness. A moment alone. A moment unwanted.

Always, Always

Make your:

Own luck.

Own fun.

Mistakes.

Make. Life.

Always

This was inspired by You Me At Six's "Always Attract". I've been tinkering with this for a while. Probably will continue tinkering...

Merry Christmas + Happy New Year

For Ethan..

Everything and Nothing.

An old man rises from his bus stop seat.

He drops his cane, sighs, and places his battered suitcase on the curb.

He takes off his brown bowler's hat, brushes some dirt from it's rim, then lets it fall onto the ground.

He looks down the street.

And begins to run.

Enchanted.

Words

These are some phrases that I would like to have reason to say at some point in my life. I will try and update it as I think of them. Here are just a few:

"There can be no mistakes this time."

"To the museum at once!"

"Pull yourself together man!" - This will be spoken in a pompous English accent, not like a teenage mutant ninja turtle. And hopefully I will have a glove to slap the person.

"Mother of God."

"A duel it is then."

"Where is the rebel base?"

"Sweet fancy moses." :-)

To be continued...

Ethan..

Perhaps Another Branch of Solipsism

How do you know if you are actually feeling something, or if you're just kidding yourself?

How do you know?

Is anything real?

Or is everything just what we want to feel, or think we should be feeling?

Maybe every feeling is real?

Can we control it?

Or are we slaves to our feelings?

I'm thinking maybe all bad feelings come under the "just kidding yourself" category.

Every nice feeling that provides happiness, love, confidence, optimism, or peace, are real.

Reality. Check.

Ethan..

A Nice Bath

These songs are making me happy, and it's weird, as most are quite sad. Check them out. I'm liking them. These are just a few parts that I think are poetically or musically brilliant.

1. Jealous Minds Think Alike - You Me At Six

"You can be the ghost in my hall

You can be the smile I don't want

I will be the fly on your wall

You will be the distance in between

You can be everything I need

You can be the girl I don't call"

2. The Plot to Bomb the Panhandle - A Day to Remember

"I'm looking down at this mess that you've made

And I can't believe that I stayed

So unhappy for so long

Where did I go wrong?

I've got to get out of this

My hand is on the handle

We're leaving everything behind

Goodbye for a lifetime

I'll make my stand

Right here, with my friends"

3. By All Accounts (Today Was A Disaster) - Emery

"How long until (must I always remember all that I want to forget?)

These broken animals

Useless as they are

These broken animals

As useless as they are"

4. Because I Could Not Stop Death - After the Tragedy

(The song You Better Be Alone is also awesome, and Roses in the Fence, and Chateau D'If.)

"Your words were salubrious

Your eyes were always warming

Your love was perennial

Your heart was always growing

The day the light escaped your eyes

I wish I'd been by your side

Because I could not stop death"

5. The Missing Page - This Providence

"I never wanted us to be like this

I never dreamed of anything but gave you a kiss

I'm trying to find a way out of this mess

But I guess we gotta save ourselves"

I'm not sure if these are the lyrics, but if they aren't - they should be.

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life" - Berthold Auerbach

Clean Ethan..

Frankenstein's Monster

My stomach's an empty stone.

My muscles are tangled wires.

I know that I'll feel it again;

The machine still works.

If it were truly broken,

I wouldn't hear the clanking,

Or feel the grinding.

I can't decide whether I miss the drug,

Or the addiction.

I know I hate the recovery;

The hollow-space never needed me.

But even now I can smile and laugh.

I keep telling myself:

It is as it should be,

It's for the best.

And so even now I can smile and laugh.

That's determination for you:

Truly believing the end will come,

Even if you don't know when.

Especially.

I try and relax my tangled wires.

I remind myself. I remember.

Close my swollen eyes and listen;

The clanking and the grinding,

Will stop before I do.

Ethanstein..

Amber Pacific - "Poetically Pathetic"

I have realised that I struggle to write anything poetic. By that, I mean that when I am trying to write something poetic about a person or situation, I find that I can only write exactly what I'm feeling. Especially when I am really passionate or excited about something. Or if I'm sad about something.

I tried writing something for my uncle who died fairly recently. But then it began to include my grandma, and pretty much everyone else in my life who had died. And it's just so bland and simple. I hate it's simplicity, but for the life of me, I can't find a way to dramatise or embellish it - I can't make it as beautiful as it should be.

Ethan..

On Letting Go... Part II

There is nothing good about goodbyes.

"Here I Go Again... Whitesnake"

I miss the cold.

I love waking up on holidays in some foreign place, and looking out the window at snow-capped mountains. I actually really like mountains. When I went to New Zealand, planning to spend a few months as a plucky 17-year-old working and travelling, and my friend had to come home, it was those mountains that made me stay. The trees. Probably pines. Doesn't matter. They would sweep and lean together, catching the unique snowflakes everyone raves about, holding them close, so close that they join.

I miss the cold. And the mountains.

I have only just realised that I have often envisioned myself traipsing through cold, jagged mountains. Alone. But the image itself hasn't really made me sad. It almost feels like fact. I don't know why. It'd be much better with a Samwise. But I could do it alone, I know.

I miss the cold.

I miss the bite of the wind, clawing and searching, trying to find a gap in my coat so it can flow through my skin and slow my blood. I miss opening my jacket, just for a moment, and letting the cold in. It was like coming back to life. But I didn't have to die.

I miss closing my eyes and feeling like I was in a cloud. Everyone thinks being in a cloud would be like being in a soft bed. I really don't think so. I think it'd be as comforting (for me), but it would be cold. And turbulent. It was so peaceful.

I miss the cold. And the mountains. And the turbulent peace.

Ethan Frost..