My stomach's an empty stone.
My muscles are tangled wires.
I know that I'll feel it again;
The machine still works.
If it were truly broken,
I wouldn't hear the clanking,
Or feel the grinding.
I can't decide whether I miss the drug,
Or the addiction.
I know I hate the recovery;
The hollow-space never needed me.
But even now I can smile and laugh.
I keep telling myself:
It is as it should be,
It's for the best.
And so even now I can smile and laugh.
That's determination for you:
Truly believing the end will come,
Even if you don't know when.
Especially.
I try and relax my tangled wires.
I remind myself. I remember.
Close my swollen eyes and listen;
The clanking and the grinding,
Will stop before I do.
Ethanstein..
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